Learned Limb

Confirm Judge Haynes, Dagnabbit!

A worthy and Godly man is being assassinated by the charcter snipers of the homosexual left. William James Haynes II has served our nation with ability and Lordly rectitude all his life. Most recently he served as General Council for the Defense (of the Faith) Department under the Messiah Bush. He was nominated to sit on the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit in 2003, and has been held up by atheistic homosexuals in the Senate ever since.

Haynes promulgated the enlightened policies that allowed the excruiciation of the Mohammedian heretics in our present Holy War. Under his leadership, our armed forces were freed of the nancy-boy restrictions imposed upon them by intenationalist belly-lint worshipers under the Conventions named after that apostate city, Geneva.

800 years from now, Haynes' name will shine forth in history with the same zeal as that of the immortal Judge Tomas de Tourquemada! It is only fitting that we elevate him to the court of appeals, and thence to the Supreme Court, so that he may promulgate his vision of our government turned into a weapon of the Godly for use against the godless across the entire globe.

I call upon all Senators who have ears to hear the Good Word of our annointed leader, George W. Bush, to encourage your brothers to do His will and confirm this servant of God. I further call upon those Senators to rend and destroy the heretic homosexual baby-killing collectivist femi-nazi Senators who oppose the rightful ascention of Judge Haynes.

The Bible commands us in 2 Chronicles 15:13 "All who would not seek the LORD, the God of Israel, were to be put to death, whether small or great, man or woman." By their own act of defying the will of God, that Haynes be elevated to the Judgehood, all Senators in opposition expose themselves to the Righteous Judgment of we the Chosen.

I've got to go excruiciate a few cats now. I am studying for a medical degree so that I might better understand the urgent need for relieving physicians from liability for negligent harm to their patients. I do so enjoy the process of extracting the hearts from their little still-living chests. And the cat blood comes in very handy for keeping the Liche of the immortal Rhenquist at bay. He's a delightful dinner companion, so long as one can assure that one will not be on the menu.

Brother Rhenquist Becomes Immortal

My good friend William Rehnquist always did have excellent timing. He got himself appointed to the bench by being the right bastard at the right time for Nixon. Got himself elevated to Chief Justice by Reagan for the same reason. Now Rhenquist has gotten his dearest wish and become immoral using the necromantic powers of the thousands of deaths in the Katrina disaster.

He had been hanging in there like a dog with his last bone since the thyroid cancer hit him, waiting for an event that might provide enough sudden death to allow him to moult off his mortal coil and become eternal. Offensives in Iraq and Afghanistan weren't cutting it; too distant. I thought Rehny would have to get cryogenic and wait for the next scheduled Al Qaeda attack, but he either got lucky or called in a major favor to get that storm so close to the General Jackson's towne.

With all that death energy floating free, Rehny is flying high. He won't have to worry about recharging his battery for a few hundered years. Of course, he can't continue as Chief Justice, the people can't forced to countenance an openly Liche lawyer on the highest court - yet. But he will work quietly behind the scenes. I hear he's accepted an offer from the Skull and Bones firm (they groom all the top undead conservative jurists, now).

I have to go place the ritual marks on my body with cat's blood, lest Rehny shows up here feeling peckish. I suggest you do the same...

Learned Limb Places His Essence in this Infernal Series of Tubes

This 'blog' explores the juncture of law, politics, ethics and Godly acts of might. The writer is Learned Limb, a jurist who is a product of the mightily Christian Regent Law School.*

The author's nom de guerre (oh, how he hates the neccesity of using the language of cowards and crossdressers) is, of course, an homage to the great Learned Hand, graduate of Harvard Law (when it wasn't an institution of feminized jurisprudence, but rather a bastion of Lordly justice), member of the national House of Represenatives 1839-41 (when Congress was not yet a career for sissy-boys and bored housefraus), a state Senator in the New York Senate 1844-1847, and Associate Justice of the New York Supreme Court from 1847-55. Above all, Hand was a great and godly strongman for Christ in his own day. Hand was a ferocious thewy lion in service to the Lord. His mighty muscles bulged and throbbed beneath his robes as he went about the Lord's work in his flinty New-Englandish manner. His contemporaries described him thus:

"Learned Hand looks as his name sounds. Stockily put together, his flesh is as solid as granite stone. His square, manly face might have been hewn by a sculptor. Bushy eyebrows, which bristle menacingly at any ungodly deed or word, accent his rugged features. For years he has run every morning, even in the worst of weather, the 14 miles from his humble monk-like cell in Brooklyn, where he tends to the poor and sick every evening, to the United State's Courthouse on the isle of Manhattan at Foley square. He eschews bridges as an affront to God's judgement, and thus swims the East River twice a day."

This discription was written when Learned was 74 years young. Admittedly, he had slowed down a little by then; he no longer offered adults rides to Manhattan during his runs, only children. But he was still a mighty bull, rutting and snorting for the Lord.

The capstone of Learned Hands's career was, of course, the more than 40 years he spent on the Federal District Court for NY, CT & VT and the 2nd Circuit Court of Appeals as senior judge and Chief Judge, doing the work of Christ from the bench, and frequently pressing said bench for 12 reps with manly enthusiasm. He tendered his resignation in 1951 to President Truman who said, "as judge and philosopher, you have expressed the spirit of America and the highest in civilization which man has achieved. As a physicial specimen, you are a credit to God, in whose image you were fashioned. Even at your advanced age you are still able to pull down temples on the money-changers with your brutally sinewy hand. We will sorely miss your feats of strength in the Cold War setting in across the globe."

Just so. With this pean to his lofty role model, the author begins his mission to prosthetylize the heathens of the 'blogsphere'.