by David Safier
Issuing a satire alert is always prudent before posting anything from Fitz. On his Fitz Blog, Tucson's premier satirist has posted what he claims is a memo from "Teapublican Ally Miller."
Teapublican Ally Miller is running against Nancy Young Wright for the seat of retiring Pima County Supervisor Ann Day. Miller sent out this memo to the press yesterday.
I am working hard to get my message out and here it is, you boneheads: I never heard of the Tea Party. And if anyone in the press brings it up again that I was one of the founders of the Tea Party here in Pima County I will simply say that has nothing to do with what voters want right now and what voters want right now is a supervisor who will work to divide us and I am that human wedge in a dress. I will work to obstruct any bipartisan nonsense on the Board because I will be there serving the narrow interests of a small number of citizens aligned with a group that has the initials T.P. and likes to wear colonial tricorns and that I don’t know anything about.
I’m sure you have all seen the many beautiful flags sticking out of the top of my head on my campaign signs. Some supporters expressed concern about the placement of the flags. We’ve moved them to the side so I no longer look like ‘My Favorite Martian” with antennae springing out of my bouffant. More importantly, I want to talk about an alarming development to my friends affiliated with an obscure group called the Pea Party or the Tea Party or whatever it’s called. I nearly drove off the road last week when I saw that some weasel had hung tea bags from my ears. I suspect Nancy Young Wright or black helicopters are behind this so keep your eyes peeled. Now I have never heard of an organization called the Teal Party--I love that color--but I hope that they’ll be guarding my signs from any more tomfoolery, God Bless America.
I look forward to serving you by making decisions based upon on my own facts and numbers and, of course, I promise you I will always have the Tea Party on speed dial. From what I hear they’re like the fruit club. They send you a different tea every month.
Founding Member of some organization that we best not talk about here